7 Priceless Principles Imparted By An Egyptian Taxi Driver

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Today we caught a cab to the Red Pyramid at Dahshur. It was super cool as we got to climb right down inside it! But that’s a story for another day! Today’s post comes direct from the mouth of our taxi driver for the morning. He shared his wisdom on the drive to and from the pyramid. I haven’t bothered to research his claims as that would just spoil the fun! Read on to see what I mean! 7 Priceless Principles Imparted By Our Egyptian Taxi Driver:

  1. Egyptian petrol is expensive compared to Australia!. We enquired about the cost of fuel and he told us it was 2.00LE per litre. That’s about 33 cents per litre in Australian dollars! Holy shit – we nearlyfell out the (speeding) car door and announced loudly how cheap it was! But no, he assured us. We were not to convert it to Australian dollars but think of our dollars as Egyptian pounds. Petrol was around AU$1.50 when we left home, so we were to think of that as 1.50LE. ERGO….petrol in Egypt is more expensive than Australia! Confused yet? Us too! And we had to factor in the ridiculous Cairo traffic – because his driving is stop-start he therefore uses more petrol so is still not getting a bargain. Nuff said – according to our new friend!
  2. Sturdy carpets are made in Egypt from Camel wool!. Camel wool is up to 6 times stronger than sheep or goat wool. The local people make very strong rugs out of it and they last and last! I actually did google this because as the journey went on I started to think he was pulling our leg! But no, you really can get wool from a camel! Who knew? Here’s a link that explains it briefly. Has anyone ever seen a camel with up to 37cm of hair? I’ve added that one to my bucket list.
  3. Egyptian law allows the man to take up to 4 wives and it’s all for the woman’s benefit!. Yep – and here are the rules according to leadfoot Larry! If you have multiple wives you must be fair to all. Same money, benefits (!), care and attention to all. If you love one more than the others then maybe only one wife is best for you. There are exceptions of course. If your first wife cannot give you children and if you love her, then you should not divorce her and abandon her but take another wife. This second wife will give you children and the first wife will still be loved and cared for. Everyone is happy, right? And if you are a power man ( his words) and you need to do the deed every night how can your wife ever get a rest? Of course it is far nicer to have several wives to meet your needs than to wear your poor first wife out! So you see, it’s a GOOD thing to allow multiple wives! AND Egyptian law doesn’t allow sex outside marriage so what’s a poor man to do? Much better to take another wife than to be out with loose women! (It was about this point that I could no longer contain myself and leaned forward to say loudly to Gert EVERY NIGHT?!? In your dreams!!!!) Which led to principle number 4!
  4. There are natural remedies to make you a power man so you can get busy every night. If you follow just one your wife (ME) will cry afterwards! Oh dear. I was happy for the natural remedies to never ever see the light of day but still they came spewing out!! So listen up boys…apparently you need 3-4 fresh dates, take the stone out and put the flesh in some room temperature milk. Go off to work and when you get home, drink the milk and eat the dates. Then have a hot shower for 15 minutes! And that’s it! Simple huh? Follow this ritual every morning and you’ll be so good your wife will cry afterwards! I WAS crying in the backseat of the cab……but it was hysteria by this stage! Especially since Jono started loudly asking what the dates were for! The gems were coming thick and fast and I could hardly keep up! I even got the iPhone out to start writing them down!!
  5. Wives are not allowed to have 4 husbands because the children’s heritage must be certain! Again, all for the wives benefit! She doesn’t want to have to worry (poor pet) that her husband will doubt his children’s parentage and throw her out on the street. Much better to make sure she is protected and has just one husband! Uh-huh….probably a logical argument in times of old. Besides the condescending manner it was delivered in, I’m kinda thinking this really is the best way if you have to live in this particular society.
  6. It’s OK to drive at 90km an hour in what should be a 40 zone because he knows where all the potholes are! As our lives flashed before our eyes and we were kinda airborne a couple of times, he soothed our squeals and sharp intakes of breathe by assuring us he knew these roads really well. It is completely OK to drive fast when you know the road. All oncoming traffic can be avoided easily, tires never blow, kids never wander onto the road etc etc. Having made it safely through the town we entered the onramp to the motorway. Where he promptly pointed hard right at the Pyramids of Giza and urged us all to look, look!! Never mind that we were now merging with traffic at 80km an hour and he was looking behind him! I’m surprised we lived to write this post actually! I will never complain about Gert’s driving again!
  7. If you are unlucky enough to be stuck with a female cow to kill for the upcoming feast, you must make sure it’s a virgin! In the next day or so, over a million animals will be slaughtered as part of a huge celebration around the nation. As we drove home there were herds of sheep and the odd cow gathered by the roadside ready to be purchased tomorrow. We even saw a cow that had been killed and had its entire insides spread out on its skin on the road (gee I wish I had a pic of that to gross you out!) When you choose your cow, it must be a boy as it is best for luck. If you are unlucky enough to get a female then it must be a virgin. I wondered how exactly you would tell if a cow is a virgin? Do you just ask her flat out? Observe how she behaves around the other boy-cows? Or if she bats her big eyes at you then maybe she’s a bit loose? I didn’t ask – I just couldn’t have withstood the answer honestly! We’d already been subjected to a full description of how to tell if the cow was good, how to know its weight just by looking at it and lessons on how to cut the poor thing up on the street as well as who was to get the best bits (family, then friends, then the poor who have no feast.)

So there you have it! Do you feel like you’ve learnt something? If you’re reading this post as part of some research, I urge you to study further.

These were purely the random tips that our taxi driver chose to impart to us and he had a way of making everything sound so logical! I’ve not checked the details – I just thought that altogether they were kinda hysterical! It was certainly one of the most interesting conversations we’ve had with an Egyptian man! (In almost 4 weeks we have not had a single conversation with an Egyptian woman!)

Now I’m off to take steps to destroy the entire Australian date market…can’t have that secret power-remedy falling into the wrong hands….otherwise Gert is going to be needing wife number two!

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Comments

7 Priceless Principles Imparted By An Egyptian Taxi Driver — 5 Comments

  1. Yep, I’ve learned that men can be arseholes, whatever country they’re in ๐Ÿ˜€ Offended you are? A shit I don’t give. Also, re sex – women love sex. They absolutely would have it every night. Just not, necessarily with their husbands. Give us a pick of Matt Damon, Liam Neeson et all and all of a sudden the sex drive is fully functional again. Which confirms my theory, men are naturally monogamous – because they can always seem to get interested, no matter how long they’ve been with a woman. Whereas we need variety to keep us going. Give me half a dozen husbands of my choice and I guarantee they’re all getting a shag at least once a week. Just sayin’…
    Alison Dennehy recently posted..what’s in a name? would a sparkles by any other name be just as bogan?My Profile

  2. Very entertaining post! The part about crazy driving really brought back memories of the chaos that is Cairo. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people complain about drivers and traffic in Rome or Paris to which I can confidently surmise that they’ve never been in a car in Cairo; after that, almost anything else seems tame. Love the wisdom you have imparted upon us!
    Ryan @Treksplorer recently posted..Sarajevo: The Warm Heart of the BalkansMy Profile

    • Thanks Ryan. You are so right!! At home in Australia I’m a nervous passenger and am always freaking out in the car. I suspect those days are behind me! Cairo, Cambodia and Sri Lanka have made sure of that! Today our tuk tuk driver in Sri Lanka just drove straight out into the mob!!

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