See that kid in the photo above? Doesn’t he look sweet? Thrilled to have that ice cream? Innocent even?
Well…ummm…not. any. more.
Jono has been using my iphone 3 while on this trip to amuse himself – mostly when we are in transit. Occasionally we’ve had good wireless and he’s been able to download a free app or 6.
This recent story from Walkingon Travels about toddler Dek downloading great (paid) stuff from Amazon on her Kindle should have been the catalyst for me to check on Jono’s progress.
Alas, no. I just laughed and thought “Gee, how clever are 3 year olds these days?”
Then we spent two nights at Flamborough near the sea in England. There’s a campground with amazing facilities. A pool, cafe, games arcade, bar etc.
And a hall where they put on entertainment each night. Pantomimes, dance comps, bingo etc. Actually it reminded me of Kellerman’s and I walked around all night saying “nobody puts Baby in the corner!”
Which brings us to the talent show….
Jono and and his newly discovered 12 year old auntie Lydia, thought they would enter and tell jokes. Then Jono remembered his joke App and I suddenly remembered all those bad and outrageous jokes he’d been telling for the last 3 weeks.
For your enjoyment, here’s 7 jokes he thought would be OK to tell on stage in front of several hundred people in the English countryside. The last is the most outrageous animal joke ever (Jono is astounded at our screaming reactions to his “animal” joke!) – if you don’t want to be horrified just read half the list. Then go and check out these outrageously cute monkies again!
J1. What do you call 5 blondes lying on the ground side by side?
A. A Wind Tunnel!!
J2. What’s the capital of Afghanistan?
A. KAABUUL!!!! (shouted loudly with waving arms!)
J3. A bear goes to the toilet in the woods. He asks a rabbit next to him if he has trouble with shit sticking to his fur. When the rabbit says no he picks it up and wipes his bum with the rabbit!
J4. What do you throw to a drowning Mexican?
A. His wife and kids! (Jono is perplexed why this isn’t OK!)
J5. How does every single ethnic joke in the world start?
A. By looking over your shoulder!
J6. The Pope and a Bishop are on a plane back to Rome and the Pope is doing a crossword. He says to the Bishop “What’s a word that ends in ‘UNT’ and means a female relative?” The Archbishop says “Have you tried AUNT?”
The Pope thinks for a minute and says “Have you got an eraser?”
Click away now if you’re already offended….!!!! I warned you!
J7. If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bites off the feet of my rooster what do you have?
CLICK AWAY, CLICK AWAY NOW!!!
A. You have two feet of my cock in your ass!!!!!
OHMIGOD! OHMIGOD! OHMIGOD!
I’m very pleased to report that we mixed up the dates and the talent show had already passed.
Without these outrageous jokes being repeated in public there was no Little Miss Sunshine moment for us in the audience that night!!
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