7 Outrageous Jokes Your Kid Will Tell If You Let Them Download A Joke App On Your iPhone!

This kid tells outrageous jokes!

See that kid in the photo above?  Doesn’t he look sweet?  Thrilled to have that ice cream?  Innocent even?

Well…ummm…not.  any.  more.

Jono has been using my iphone 3 while on this trip to amuse himself – mostly when we are in transit.  Occasionally we’ve had good wireless and he’s been able to download a free app or 6.

This recent story from Walkingon Travels about toddler Dek downloading great (paid) stuff from Amazon on her Kindle should have been the catalyst for me to check on Jono’s progress.

Alas, no.  I just laughed and thought “Gee, how clever are 3 year olds these days?”

Then we spent two nights at Flamborough near the sea in England.  There’s a campground with amazing facilities.  A pool, cafe, games arcade, bar etc.

And a hall where they put on entertainment each night.  Pantomimes, dance comps, bingo etc.  Actually it reminded me of Kellerman’s and I walked around all night saying “nobody puts Baby in the corner!”

Which brings us to the talent show….

Jono and and his newly discovered 12 year old auntie Lydia, thought they would enter and tell jokes.  Then Jono remembered his joke App and I suddenly remembered all those bad and outrageous jokes he’d been telling for the last 3 weeks.

For your enjoyment, here’s 7 jokes he thought would be OK to tell on stage in front of several hundred people in the English countryside.  The last is the most outrageous animal joke ever (Jono is astounded at our screaming reactions to his “animal” joke!) – if you don’t want to be horrified just read half the list.  Then go and check out these outrageously cute monkies again!

J1.   What do you call 5 blondes lying on the ground side by side?

A.    A Wind Tunnel!!

 

J2.  What’s the capital of Afghanistan?

A.    KAABUUL!!!!  (shouted loudly with waving arms!)

 

J3.  A bear goes to the toilet in the woods.  He asks a rabbit next to him if he has trouble with shit sticking to his fur.  When the rabbit says no he picks it up and wipes his bum with the rabbit!

 

J4. What do you throw to a drowning Mexican?

A.  His wife and kids!  (Jono is perplexed why this isn’t OK!)

 

J5.  How does every single ethnic joke in the world start?

A.  By looking over your shoulder!

 

J6. The Pope and a Bishop are on a plane back to Rome and the Pope is doing a crossword.  He says to the Bishop “What’s a word that ends in ‘UNT’ and means a female relative?”  The Archbishop says “Have you tried AUNT?”

The Pope thinks for a minute and says “Have you got an eraser?”

Click away now if you’re already offended….!!!!  I warned you!

 

J7.  If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bites off the feet of my rooster what do you have?

CLICK AWAY, CLICK AWAY NOW!!!

 

A.  You  have  two  feet  of  my  cock  in  your  ass!!!!!

OHMIGOD!  OHMIGOD!  OHMIGOD!

I’m very pleased to report that we mixed up the dates and the talent show had already passed.

Without these outrageous jokes being repeated in public there was no Little Miss Sunshine moment for us in the audience that night!!

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Comments

7 Outrageous Jokes Your Kid Will Tell If You Let Them Download A Joke App On Your iPhone! — 8 Comments

  1. OH MY gosh ~ did you hear me laughing! I love the last joke….I am so hoping I can remember it so that I can share it with hubby later on when he gets home 🙂
    How lucky were you about the mix up of dates….but gee it would have been so funny if Jono did get up on stage and share that one! It would be one of those moments in time where you want to ask the world to swallow you up 🙂
    Lisa Wood recently posted..What To Pack When Going CampingMy Profile

    • I may have heard a giggle from you Lisa!! He told us the last “animal” joke in the car and we nearly ran off the road!!! He was thrilled with our response but perplexed when he was banned from repeating it! Definitely a great one for us adults though!!

  2. What’s that old saying Tracey? Out of the mouth of babes…

    I would be doing the happy dance knowing those dates got mixed up. I would be mortified if my child got up there and told all those people he’s never met those jokes. Okay, now to us we get them and know it’s all in good humor. Some people would definitely be offended though and I can see why.

    To think he got those from a joke app. Huh, does make you wonder. Knowing kids can get their hands on those.

    Glad you guys are having fun though. It did make for a great blog post. 🙂

    ~Adrienne
    Adrienne recently posted..How To Find Great Blogs To Comment OnMy Profile

    • Hi Adrienne, thanks for the comment. It did make a great blog post but imagine how good it would have been had the show gone ahead!! Some of the jokes were particularly offensive to a large number of people and would have been awful on stage. When he told them to us though they were just so much funnier because of the perplexed look on his face!! Needless to say the joke App is now heavily supervised!!

      Glad you decided you luv, luv, luv me even though I don’t have a pic as my avatar! (yes, I’ve since read the commenting rules!!)

      Thanks so much for stopping by. Tracey.

  3. That is one of those moments …I’m still laughing!! SO FUNNY!! And I haven’t heard a couple of those jokes – I’ll be sure to tell my family and friends!!

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